The Fire Burns But I Remain | PSYCHROMA
“You’ve reached pure enlightenment. You’ve made yourself perfectly empty for the Psychroma.”
Memories are a funny thing. They can bring us joy, they can bring us pain, they fade with time but some may stick around longer than others if they don’t warp until they are almost unrecognizable first. They are always made to be lost, but we normally don’t get a say in how or when or which. In the world of Psychroma the manipulation of memories becomes commonplace. We are allowed a glimpse at what may happen if we did get to say how or when or which. At first glance it seems like a gift to store memories for safekeeping and to remove those that hurt too much, but then where is the line between real and fake? Who are we if we can doctor our own reality? In that scenario, is what we choose in itself an extension of who we are? Psychroma is a bizarre indie side-scrolling horror game that explores just this. In between the graphic imagery and wild glitches, is a touching story of a found family struggling with past traumas and holding on too tight to memories too sweet to let go.
Screenshot by yusufulas81via steamcommunity.com
Side note: This game is intense and touches on some heavy topics. I would suggest you check out the content warnings of the game before proceeding, and above all, take care of yourselves.
The story of psychroma is in itself a puzzle to piece together, as reality blends with memory, and memory proves unreliable. Through the distortion we start to understand the story of Haze, a human cyborg ex-experiment that has lost their memory and is attempting to piece together the past, just as we are. They have been adopted into a family, the members of which have their own quirks and struggles and secrets to keep. Each of them has a fate intertwined with the history of the apartment building they live in - which so happens to be an abandoned laboratory with odd contraptions allowing memories to be uploaded and relived. When the family members get a hold of these devices, it proves to be a battle of temptation, between letting go of lost loved ones and holding onto them tight, even if that means risking the adverse and somewhat flammable side effects.
Screenshot by robilar5500 via steamcommunity.com
Haze’s status as an ex-experiment allows us a better view into the backstory of the building. They have first-hand experienced the awful things that happened in there and - as we learn late in the story - they took action to remove these events from their brain. Knowing what they witnessed, it’s a small wonder why they chose to do so, but playing through the game reveals that simply removing a memory is not enough to wipe the effect clean from the mind. Haze still sees Domino, still sees his burning form as if it is singed into their minds eye. Perhaps because as much as his demise was a terrible and horrifying thing to witness, Domino himself was a dear friend, a beloved companion through their lives as the subjects of experiments. They traversed further into the mind than anyone ever had, sharing experiences only the other could understand. To lose the memory of his death was to lose everything that Domino ever was to them, and perhaps a part of Haze held on, while the rest begged to be torn away.
Haze could not be the Haze we know without these memories. They have continued through life resilient and determined to love even though they have lost before. It’s true enough that memories are a timestamp by which we can compare the past with the present and everything we have experienced so far will lead to something within ourselves whether it is noticeable or not. We hurt, we learn, we mourn, we recover, we endure. That’s what makes us human - or, human cyborg people things - and to experience who we are means to experience both the light and the dark. Of course this is different for everyone, and some memories are certainly darker than others (such as watching your only friend burn to a crisp) and deserve to be left to rot in the sands of time but it’s somewhat humbling to remember what your past self went through to get to where you are now and what your present self is going through, to get your future self where they will be.
I can’t really fault the characters for the decisions they made. If I were faced with the ability to choose to save my happy memories and delete the negative, I’d probably do it too. To remember every detail of the best times in our lives feels much more valuable than the chance of maybe losing my marbles. In a brain as frazzled as mine, memories are these finicky and unreliable things I try desperately to retain in the form of photos and memorabilia and written accounts in my journal. There are many sources of joy in life, but somehow it’s never enough. Each endearing memory has a unique taste, the people, sights, sounds and feelings all ingredients, stirred together in a delicious soup that we call life. Except the soup bowl has holes, and half the soup slips out before you’ve had the time to eat it. Sometimes it takes the best parts with it. Sometimes it leaves the worst bits behind. How good would it be to store some of that soup in the freezer, ready to defrost and consume when you need it the most? I am perfectly aware this is a weird analogy, but the point is, in a world where good soup is a rarity, the lengths at which one would go to keep it is understandably infinite.
While a simple game to play, I was impressed by the way in which Psychroma provokes terrifying, abyssal and existential thoughts throughout the story. Once you untangle it from the timeline that is. As bizarre as the characters, designs and soundscape were, they have their place in this lawless cyberpunk world, where there is no one to rely on except yourself, and the few you choose to share it with. Each character’s oddness and loosened grip of reality matched the bizarre mishmash of the world around them. None of it made sense, and therefore, all of it did. Perhaps then it really does not matter whether the world accepts you as you are. Because as long as you do, the soup will taste good either way.
Psychroma is an odd indie horror game delving into deep and existential topics relatable to many of us, and to the developers themselves. Check out Rocket Adrift here where they specialize in narrative driven games with a somewhat nostalgic art style. Thank you for reading, may your soup remain tasty.
